I take it you want to learn a little more about me so here goes: I believe with all my heart that adult birthday parties should be outlawed, stupid people should be quarantined, and there is an inverse correlation between how recently I asked my toddler if she needs “to go pee-pee” and how far a toilet is from our location on the highway. Still reading? Thanks! Here’s a little more: I’m from a blue-collar town in the Midwest, got my law degree from the ethical melting pot that is New Orleans, and practiced criminal defense law in the liberal-elitist hellhole paradise that is South Florida. I’ve traveled to 80+ countries and spent copious amounts of time around people from every race, creed, culture, and orientation out there. Why do I share this with you? Simple: No one is safe around me when I’m on stage. I will target your people, whomever they might be, and take you down, comically speaking. I call it “Equal Opportunity Comedy.” You’re welcome! You’re now wondering how an attorney ended up as a comedian? Great question. It was not until I was at a comedy event one evening in California that I simultaneously realized two equally important points: I never wanted to let the mic go and my life’s work was in front of me: as a comedian. It’s better than therapy! Think you’ve already seen me perform or at least heard about me? Awesome! I’ve been at clubs throughout South Florida, California, and New York areas. I recently won the Laugh-in Comedy Contest in Fort Myers, Florida, and have tour dates scheduled all over the country. What else do I do? Besides make you people laugh and wipe a toddler’s butt all day? I do a great deal of writing, including for some great websites and blogs; I am also currently working on a (surprisingly funny) documentary about the importance of dogs getting neutered. You want to connect with me and be my friend? Of course you do! You can see more info at www.lindsayglazer.com, follow me on Instagram (@LindsayGlazerComedy) or on Twitter (also @LindsayGlazer), or you can also email me (lindsayglazercomedy@gmail.com). Also, please avoid millennial slang, but do note that if you really want to be my friend, I respond best to people delivering baskets of chocolate to my doorstep. The good kind, not some crappy 100 Grand bar – unless you’re actually bringing me cold, hard cash along with chocolate.